How Should You Talk to Your Parents if You Suspect Their Financial Affairs Are Out of Order? 

Discussing money is always difficult -- with your parents, it can be even worse. 

How can you find out what is going on? Here we discuss a few ideas for approaching this conversation and give you suggestions to help your parents (and you) get a clearer sense of their financial health. 

Reframe the Conversation:

To reframe your inquiry into one that is less threatening, try to present the conversation in a way that will help your parents view your questions less as an accusation of their inability to manage their affairs, and more as a concern for their wellbeing.  

If the cause of your concern is that something specific has happened that may be threatening your parents' wellbeing—such as a new medical diagnosis—talk about finances in terms of how you can help them through this difficulty. Focus on the temporary need and include financial elements in the context of everything else going on (“Is there anything you need? I know you are busy taking care of Dad, but do you need help with minding the bills until he is back on his feet?”). 

If there is not a particular event that has triggered your concerns, you still have options. 

Start Small, but Be Specific: 

Many Americans waste at least $50 a month, or $600 a year, in recurring charges for services they no longer use. Use facts like this to suggest that everyone in the family review their bills to look for unneeded subscriptions.  

When you share that your review discovered unwanted, recurring charges, you are giving your parents permission to admit that they have also forgotten about some of their monthly fees.  

Similarly, there may be services your parents use for which they are paying too much. For instance, they may not be aware that anyone can try to renegotiate cable television or internet service fees at any time, or that phone services and some other companies offer reduced rates for veterans or customers aged 55+. Mention that you are doing some price comparison research to renegotiate your bills and offer to send them any deals you find. 

Events That Spark Conversation:

Even if your parents insist that their financial situation has not changed, you can remind them that new developments may mean they need to re-examine their finances. For instance, tax law changes are excellent conversation-starters about family finances and estate planning. 

Some events do not initially appear to be financial in nature, but can have a huge impact on a family's financial wellbeing, such as: 

Events such as these are the perfect catalysts for you to get your financial house in order and to offer to help your parents at the same time, because some of the issues may impact all of you. 

Forgotten and Unclaimed Assets:

Here is another fact that is sure to start a conversation: one-in-ten Americans have money in an “unclaimed property fund.” Whether it is from a forgotten bank account, a long-lost paycheck, or even an unused gift certificate, billions of dollars go into these funds each year. While you can retrieve this money once you have discovered it, it is best to keep an accurate inventory of property, so you are less likely to lose it in the first place.    

Explain to your parents that a complete inventory will help them in many areas, including:  

Inventory Any Debts and Other Types of Accounts 

Start with an inventory of assets, then move on to all other types of accounts, such as email, internet bill-paying, social media, and utility bills. Explain to your parents that the average American locks themselves out of accounts and many people forget a new password shortly after they have reset it. Ensure that each account has a complex, unique password, and that they are recorded somewhere they will not be forgotten.  

Forgotten accounts and re-used passwords can become tools for identity theft. Thieves can access vital information, create false accounts, or even trick your parents into believing that they are real creditors. Speaking to your parents about financial exploitation and how to recognize scams is a necessary discussion. There are many to be wary of, from IRS and social security administration imposters to tech support and lottery scams.  

    DISCUSSING ESTATE PLANNING AS A GATEWAY TO FINANCIAL Security 

Discussing estate planning with your parents is an excellent way to address their current financial situation and help them prepare for the future. We recommend sharing your personal plan and the steps you have taken to see where the conversation goes. 

If your parents seem open to creating (or updating) an estate plan, you can offer to assist them with the initial stages, like helping them find an estate-planning attorney. Hiring an experienced attorney can help bring stability to financial chaos, both now and in your parents' future. Call our office at 248-873-3244 to schedule your consultation.